When Is It Ok to Change Our Minds?

This question addresses worldviews, identity, and how loving relationships are the greatest influence in changing our minds.

The questions below are listed for Core Team members at Coworking locations who participated in a Conversation Matters discussion about the topic. Consider inviting a friend to coffee or lunch and see how far the conversation can go.

Don’t feel pressured to force the conversation further than your friend is open. Simply ask questions and listen well. Before you meet your friend for the conversation, pray for your friend and your time together: 1) pray that your friend is open to the conversation, 2) pray that you would grow to love your friend more, and 3) pray that you are used by God to share His undeserved love in compelling ways with your friend.

If you or your friend did not participate in a Conversation Matters you can still use the questions below, but consider a different starting point. For instance, you could begin with “I'm connected with an organization that creates discussion forums in Coworking locations and last month's topic was… [see the question above].” Then you could ask, “what do you think about that question?” Consider progressing the conversation with more questions listed below.

Questions:

• What did you think about the lunch discussion on changing our minds last month?

  • Note: Consider whether your friend shared anything during the discussion that you could ask a specific followup question?

  • Note: If your friend did not share anything, then you can ask, “I didn’t hear you comment in the discussion.  Did anyone share a perspective that was similar to yours?”

• Did you feel like anything was shared by others that made you consider a new perspective on what changes your mind?

  • Note: Main conclusions: 

    • The issues connected to our identity are the most difficult for us to change our minds

    • Facts and evidence don’t change our minds. Facts and evidence are simply data points that must be filtered through our worldview before they have meaning.  A worldview is the way we view ourselves, others, and the world around us.

    • Friendships change minds - the people from whom we want acceptance influence what we believe.

• What did you think about the idea that relationships change our minds more than facts and evidence?

  • Note: Use the quotes from the articles below to help make this point

    • https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/words-matter/201810/why-people-ignore-facts

      • "Our desire to hold identity-consistent beliefs often far outweigh our goals to hold accurate beliefs." 

      • "Additionally, in-person conversations with people who have different beliefs may help us get outside our partisan echo chambers, as long as they are positive and nuanced."

    • https://jamesclear.com/why-facts-dont-change-minds 

      • "Convincing someone to change their mind is really the process of convincing them to change their tribe... You can’t expect someone to change their mind if you take away their community too... The way to change people’s minds is to become friends with them, to integrate them into your tribe, to bring them into your circle. Now, they can change their beliefs without the risk of being abandoned socially."

• Who are the people you think influence your worldview (beliefs about the world) the most?

  • Note: Consider relationships like parents, siblings, spouse, friends, mentors, thought leaders, religious leaders, bosses, etc…

• How have those relationships "earned the right" to influence your life?

  • Note: Consider how they have cared for you (love) and displayed lives you want to emulate.

• How have the influential people in your life displayed lives that you want to emulate?

  • Note: Consider how their life displays desirable traits of success, purpose, wealth, kindness, service, love, an overall "good life."

• GOSPEL - One of the most compelling and influential people, to me, is Jesus Christ.  Even if you’re not religious, it’s pretty incredible that his life and teaching displayed the most compelling definition of love.  Jesus’ teachings to love others as oneself and even to love one’s enemies was world changing.  In fact, it’s Jesus’ teachings that have influenced the world’s understanding of human rights and justice.  

  • Have you considered how Jesus’ teachings have influenced our understanding of human rights?